How to Text a Girl for the First Time: The Psychology of First-Text Impressions

What’s the Best Way to Start a Conversation with a Girl?

Have you ever wondered why some girls respond enthusiastically to your first message, while others don’t respond at all? Of course, your profile picture and bio are important, but what you actually say to a girl when you’re dating online is equally crucial. In this article, I’ll share three basic message secrets that are almost guaranteed to get a response. (Spoiler alert: these are simple yet effective tactics that are often overlooked.)

How to Use Her Profile to Strike Up a Conversation

It’s hard to resist a guy who shows genuine interest, and it’s always flattering when a guy has taken the time to get to know you by reading your profile, instead of just sending a generic text for the first time to every attractive girl on the app. In this article, I’ll share a couple of tips on what I call the “personalized approach”:

”I noticed that you’re into concerts. It just so happens that we have the same taste in music! By the way, you look amazing in those live concert photos!”

“Hey, I checked out your covers and they’re really impressive! Have you ever considered recording your own songs with your voice?”

“Isn’t it funny how we seem to visit the same cafes on the same days? I’ve noticed this has happened at least four times this winter. Have we ever crossed paths without realizing it?”

By taking just a few minutes to research a girl’s profile, you can easily find several conversation starters for your first message. And when these topics relate to her interests, the chances of getting a response increase significantly. So, the age-old question of “what to text a girl for the first time” becomes irrelevant.

The Power of Asking Questions

One effective approach is to ask questions. After all, most of us love talking about ourselves, and ignoring a direct question is just plain rude. Here are some examples of questions you can ask a girl when initiating a conversation:

“Is that a Jack Russell in your profile picture? I’m a big dog lover, and I’m considering getting one myself. What are your thoughts on Jack Russells? Are they too active for an apartment?”

“I noticed we have several mutual friends. How do you know John Smith and Erica Lauren?”

“I saw your photos from Istanbul. I’ve been wanting to visit that city for ages! What did you think of it? When would you recommend going?”

Pro tip: Asking questions is a great way to keep a conversation going and avoid awkward silences, not just in your initial message, but in any situation.

Be Genuine and Authentic

Being genuine and authentic is essential when it comes to starting a conversation with a girl. Pretending to be someone you’re not or trying to impress her with fabricated stories or skills will only backfire in the long run. People can easily detect insincerity and falsity, and it’s crucial to be yourself from the very beginning.

When it comes to the first message to a girl, don’t put too much pressure on yourself to be witty, creative, or clever. You don’t have to impress her with your intelligence or sense of humor just yet. The key is to relax and be yourself, as it shows your true personality and character.

If you’re wondering what to write to a girl to start a conversation, don’t worry, it’s not that complicated. In the following section, we’ll provide specific examples of how to write a girl to get acquainted. Additionally, for those who lack imagination, we’ve included some ready-made phrases for dating in social networks or dating apps such as Tinder.

Creative Greetings to Text Instead of What’s Up

Personalized compliments

If you want to make her feel special, try to find something unique about her profile and give her a personalized compliment. It could be her beautiful earrings, the color of her hair, or the book she’s reading in one of her photos. By doing this, you’re showing her that you’re genuinely interested in her and not just sending out generic messages to all the girls you find attractive.

Write an Intriguing Fact

An intriguing fact is a great way to start a conversation and make her curious about you. However, it’s essential to choose a fact that is related to her life or the site where you met her. Avoid trying to be super creative or telling a fact that may be confusing or too intimate for a first message. For instance, you could start by saying, “Hi! I saw a poster of Dwayne Johnson in your photo. Did you know he set the world record for most selfies?” Remember, being smart and erudite is always a plus.

Sometimes it’s the little things that can bring two people together, like both being online at 4:00 in the morning. Rather than focusing on trying to come up with an original greeting, it’s better to find common ground and build a connection from there.

Connect through Common Interests or Acquaintances

One easy way to start a conversation with a girl on Tinder or any other dating site is to mention something you both have in common. Whether it’s a shared interest like playing guitar or a mutual friend, using these connections as a conversation starter can be very effective. And if you’re wondering what to say to a girl on social media sites like Facebook or Vkontakte, this is a great approach to try out.

Social Networks or Dating Apps?

When it comes to dating on social networks like Facebook, it’s important to understand the differences between these platforms and dating apps. For the purpose of dating, I would advise using dating apps, and here’s why:

1. A girl may already have a boyfriend, which you won’t know if they don’t post photos together. This means you could end up wasting your time and energy on a message that won’t lead anywhere.
2. Your message may not even be noticed, as girls tend to receive a lot of messages on social networks.
3. A girl may not be in the mood to get acquainted, and there’s no way to know that beforehand.

While there are some advantages to dating on social networks, such as being able to see what a girl is interested in, dating sites also often have links to a girl’s social network pages.

My tip: if you already have someone in mind, reach out to them on social networks. But if you want to chat with new girls, dating apps can help save time and effort.

What about Tinder, and similar apps? Here, you can be sure that the girls are open to dating, making it much easier to communicate with them. Plus, these dating apps are designed to make it easy for you to write to the girls you’re interested in.

15 Relevant Phrases for Dating

“I used to think dating sites were a waste of time. Until I stumbled upon your page today.”

“I’m running for president next year. Leave your number, and I’ll tell you all about my campaign program.”

“I wonder if your inner world is as beautiful as your exterior?”

“What’s the best way to approach a girl like you? I really want to make a good impression.”

“I have an idea. You give me your number, we chat a bit, and then I’ll take you out to dinner. What do you say?”

“If you don’t answer me, I won’t be able to sleep all night. Will you have any remorse?”

“I have a lot of original phrases running through my head, but I don’t want to mess with your head. Can we keep it simple? Hi, I’m John, and I like you.”

“I lost an argument, and now I have to meet the prettiest girl on this site. Do I have a chance?”

“Can you tell me the way to your heart or at least your phone number?”

“What kind of text message catches your attention? I really want to get to know you better.”

“I know I’m not the only one vying for your attention, but I’m confident that I’m the right fit for you. Want to give me a chance?”

“You know what’s funny? I had the perfect message all planned out, and then I saw your photos and forgot everything.”

“Did you happen to be the model in the Cosmopolitan magazine shoot? You look so familiar.”

“I finally have a reason to stay on this site and not delete my profile. You caught my eye.”

“Hi there! Can you give me some advice on what to write to a girl I really like? Because that’s you.”

What Doesn’t Work Anymore: Approaching Someone with These Outdated Methods

Starting with a Generic “Hello”

My advice: Be more specific. A simple “hello” might not grab someone’s attention since they might receive similar greetings from multiple people. Instead, ask a question or show interest in something to increase the likelihood of receiving a response. This is especially important on dating sites where competition is high and a single “hello” won’t cut it.

Inviting Them to Meet on the Same Day

While spontaneity might have been charming in the past, it’s risky to meet someone from the internet after just a few messages. It’s better to communicate for a few days before meeting in person to avoid awkward situations and bailing on the date. Most girls understand this as well, so asking them to meet on the same day is probably not the best approach.

Using Generic Jokes

Template jokes might have been amusing in the past, but now they’re overused and unoriginal. Humor is a personal thing, and what’s funny to one person might not be funny to another. With so many people using similar jokes, it’s hard to stand out from the crowd.

Giving Universal Compliments

While compliments are always appreciated, sending the same generic messages to everyone won’t get you noticed. A compliment is much more meaningful when it’s personalized, so try to find something specific to compliment them on.

Making Empty Promises

We know you’re probably not just messaging us, and that’s okay. But don’t pretend like everyone you talk to is your ideal match. Avoid using phrases like “you’re my destiny” because they’re more likely to scare someone away than to attract them.

Tip! It’s appropriate to address someone as “you” in our generation. Communicating as “you” instead of “formal” language on dating apps can make you seem more approachable.

Common Mistakes Why You Aren’t Receiving Responses

• Avoid vulgarity: Using dirty tricks and vulgar language is not an effective way to approach someone. In fact, it’s likely to intimidate most people and get very few responses. If you’re looking for a one-time meeting, you could try this approach, but be prepared to put in a lot of effort before finding someone who’s receptive.
• Don’t be intrusive: Sending messages like “What’s with the ignoring,” “Well?,” “Hello,” or “Where are you?” is likely to make the person feel uncomfortable and annoyed. Remember to follow digital etiquette – people will respond when they have the opportunity and desire to do so. Sending a simple follow-up message or a smiley face is more effective.
• Avoid cliché phrases: Using overly used and unoriginal phrases like “Are your parents by any chance…?” is a surefire way to turn someone off. It’s better to write something simple and genuine than use a hackneyed joke.
• Avoid the alpha male style: Trying to subtly show off how cool and successful you are is unlikely to impress anyone. In fact, it can make the person feel uncomfortable and even trigger negative emotions. Most people are not attracted to arrogance and bragging.
• Don’t ask for photos right away: Asking for photos from someone you don’t know well is not appropriate in the first message. It’s better to build a rapport and a level of trust before asking for personal photos.
• Keep your message brief: Sending a long and detailed message to someone you don’t know well can make them feel overwhelmed and uncomfortable. Stick to a simple and non-committal opening message, and avoid getting too involved too quickly.
• Ctrl C + Ctrl V: I understand that crafting a unique message for every girl you’re interested in might not be the most realistic approach, but at least try to avoid blatant copy-pasting. As a girl who has received almost identical messages from several guys, each of which was no different from the other, I can attest to the lack of effort and thoughtfulness that goes into such messages. It can even be as bad as getting called by a name that isn’t mine!

How to Keep the Conversation Going After She Responds

Once she responds to your first message, it’s a good sign that she’s potentially interested in getting to know you. Although it’s still too early to talk about a romantic connection, you’ve successfully passed the first hurdle.

When it comes to continuing the conversation, don’t overthink it. Be confident and engage in a natural, friendly dialogue. Take your time and avoid rushing things. Discuss topics that interest both of you, share your thoughts and experiences, and use humor when appropriate.

As you get to know each other better, you can gradually shift to more personal topics. Remember to respect her boundaries and don’t make any sudden moves. Your goal is to establish a genuine connection and build a rapport that can lead to a successful date in the future. Good luck!